Conquer Confidence

I spent my teens paralyzed by social anxiety.

For a long time I tried to bundle confidence in a single definition and a single thing that caused it. In reality, there are different types of confidence and their origin makes their outcomes very different.

Understanding which type you’re building matters. Most people chase the wrong ones.

1. Stupid Confidence

We all know someone stupid confident, and we all know we don’t want to be that guy.

This is the person that will say nonsense nonstop and not get signals that he is annoying. They will confidently talk loudly over everyone, put people uncomfortable without knowing it. This is the type of guy that tries to belittle you when you are hanging out with girls, because he thinks it will make him more desirable to them.

Stupid confidence comes from not understanding what you don’t know. The stupid confident person isn’t taking calculated risks. He’s not even aware he’s taking risks. He doesn’t see the downside because he doesn’t understand the situation well enough to identify it.

2. Arrogant Confidence

Arrogant confidence is a special kind. It’s one that could be very useful to its user if they really can back what they think they are, or backfire catastrophically if they’re mistaken.

If you are really superior to others, by being arrogant confident you will rule out their opinions and do things your own way. This can be extremely powerful, and some of the biggest businesses on earth have been founded by such people.

The other side of the coin is the arrogant confident that is wrong about his abilities. Now you do things your own way and ignore other people’s opinions, but it’s unfounded. You underestimate people because you think yourself as superior, and this is always a bad idea. There is no advantage in underestimating someone.

But here’s the thing about arrogant confidence. It includes delusion. And delusion might seem like a bad idea. Why would seeing reality as not what it is give you an advantage?

Because we doubt ourselves too much. Our own self-doubt, combined with the doubt of everyone around us, prevents us from taking action.

Delusion counterbalances this. When you’re starting something, you have to believe in yourself before anyone else does. You need some level of delusion to even begin.

The outside world will tell you it won’t work. Your own mind will tell you you’re not capable. A bit of delusion says: maybe they’re all wrong.

This is necessary for anything extremely impactful. You need to go against the opinion of other people. You need to be the first to think of something, or believe in something everyone else thinks is impossible.

So arrogant confidence can be useful early on. It gets you moving. The trick is knowing when to shed it and let results speak for themselves.

3. Justified Confidence

Justified confidence is probably the one you want.

The justified confident has done stuff before successfully, and he is now confident that he can do it again. The ultimate justified confident is the one that has proved to himself so many times that he can successfully do things, that he becomes confident in everything in general. He has that track of wins to know that even if he fails, he can quickly turn things around to his advantage.

To become justified confident in something, do it so many times that making a mistake or failing is almost impossible.

To become justified confident generally, have a track record of doing things successfully so full that whatever you will start will be achievable to you.

This is confidence as a conclusion, not a feeling. It’s based on evidence, not faith.

4. Transcendent Confidence

Transcendent confidence is the “enlightened”. It’s the person that has stopped caring about the opinion of others.

Disconnected from the crowds, from what anyone thinks, and completely present in the moment. This is a special kind of detachment, very rare to find.

Most people who claim they don’t care what others think are lying to themselves. Real transcendent confidence is extremely hard to reach.

How I Built Justified Confidence

Think of the most unconfident person you know. That was me.

Wait, did you think of yourself? Then you’re in luck, because I’m going to share exactly what I did.

I built my confidence through seven specific actions. Each one gave me proof I could trust. Each one added evidence to my file.